Can I interest you in a Fungus Lord

That's what I asked God while I lay on the sofa reeling with prickly pain

and symptoms of DRUNKENNESS,

peeing myself laughing at what I'd said.

I thought I was hilarious as I confided in Him saying.......

" I'M GUNNA WRITE A BOOK ABOUT THIS ONE DAY LORD "

not realizing exactly what horror the following years would bring.

There is no way I can explain myself all in one day as there is

SO much ground to cover and Medical Notes to go through,

not forgetting those who wish to remain anonymous -

but at least I have begun.

If any one had of told me 10 years ago . . . . .

You are going to suffer with an unknown illness for years.

You are going to become Disabled.

You are going to experience severe Food Intolerance.

You are NOT going to be able to look after your 2 small children properly

Your body will be swollen all over.

You will more than DOUBLE in size.

You will not be able to bathe.

You will become partially lame.

You will no longer be able to take any exercise.

You will not be able to go out without an aid.

You will not be able to take care of your personal hygiene.

You will suffer DRUNKENNESS when eating or drinking or taking medication,

(even though a staunch teatotaller)

You will suffer terrible intolerance to ALL TOILETRIES.

You will suffer an indescribable proliferation between your legs when eating,

drinking, brushing your teeth, washing your hair or using ANY Chemicals.

Your swelling will cause deformities all over your body.

Your left hip will grow a lump on it.

You will be tortured EVERY DAY about WHAT TO EAT or DRINK without being in

crippling pain, falling asleep, feeling drunk or unconscious, or experiencing

swelling of the ABDOMEN, LEGS, GROIN, ARMPITS ,TOES, FEET, BREASTS,

BUTTOCKS, SHOULDERS, BACK, FACE. CHIN + NECK,

PRIVATES, especially when eating foods which contain

YEAST, SUGAR, VITAMIN C, HORMONES, HERBS,

Sodium Nitrate or indeed ANY E numbers or Chemicals.

You will be in dire need of Medical Attention but NOT receive it.

You will be PERSECUTED, Maligned, Downtrodden, Deprived of your basic Medical Rights,

Ignored, Neglected, Shouted at, Criticized, Abandoned by those you thought would have

and SHOULD have supported you.

You will be diagnosed with a Uretal Stone but be deprived of ongoing Medical Care.

You will suffer the loss of your lovely young niece and be too ill to attend her funeral.

You will lose your lovely sister and struggle to drag her off your sofa to resuscitate her,

(but fail to)

You will become an exile in your home.

You will no longer paint.

You will be unable to tend to your garden.

You will no longer be able to decorate your home or afford to pay others to do it.

Your home will become a shambles.

You will suffer humiliation and shame because of your strange situation,

your appearance, your obesity (from the overgrowth of yeast)

your tired home, your strange life, your unending explanations.

You will battle for people to listen to you or understand you.

You will be terribly Judged and BELIEVE the criticism.

You will feel uncared for and rejected.

Your Agoraphobia will worsen.

You will suffer continuous sleepless nights because of pain and frequent visits to the toilet,

frightening sensations of feeling poisoned and terrible night thirst.

Medication will have the REVERSE affect.

Blood Pressure Medication will RAISE your BP.

Pain killers and Sleeping Tablets will do the same, keeping you awake instead.

All medication will FEED the lump in your abdomen and groin and produce an array of

awful symptoms.

Your mouth will DRY UP when drinking WATER.

You will be labelled a HYPOCHONDRIAC and DRUG ADDICT.

You will feel that life is no longer interesting.

All that interested you or excited you will become dormant.

You will lose your Disability Living Allowance because of the new Doctors opinion about you.

You will appeal for justice several times and be refused.

You will learn how to use a Computer to assist your appeals but be rejected and lied about.

You will become Computer literate and love it.

Your affliction will cause you to make different decisions.

Your bereavement will change your personality.

You will become more assertive.

You will WIN in the end ! . . . . .

I WOULD NOT have believed them